Omphaloskepis
by Spooky-Cactus
Summary: Omphaloskepis! What is Omphaloskepis? A new lesson at Hogwarts taught only by Professor Shade! I'll warn you now, I don't like Harry Potter....


Omphaloskepis  
  
A stupid Harry Potter SI inspired by a strange word. There is a new subject being taught at Hogwarts. One-shot. Short and pointless. Enjoy.  
  
~  
  
At breakfast Dumbledore cleared his throat. He appeared to have something to say. He did have, and this is it: "Attention students. As of today, a new subject will be taught at Hogwarts, by our new teacher, Professor Shade! Professor Shade stood up. She was young for a teacher, with blonde-brown hair and a British accent which had a tendency to become more pronounced and West-end-of-London-ish the more people she was speaking to.  
  
"I am sure you will all enjoy my new subject which I blackmailed *cough* I mean persuaded Professor Dumbledore into letting me teach. Anyone who wishes to sign up for Omphaloskepis, do so with me at the end of breakfast. Thank you." She sat down.  
  
"What do you think, Harry?" asked Ron Weasly of his famous, bespectacled friend.  
  
"Well, I'm definitely taking it," declared their swotty friend Hermione Granger, "I hear it's a very good subject. I was surprised Hogwarts didn't have it to start with."  
  
Harry Potter shrugged. "If you two are doing it, so am I." he said.  
  
The three of them went up to join the queue which was stretching up to the High table. When Harry signed up, she looked at him and jumped.  
  
"Oh, my fish and ice cream cones, there are no bananas left in the pudding pans!" she yelled.  
  
Harry stared at her.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said, "I just had a temporary moment of sanity there."  
  
"Um, Professor Shade?" said Hermione, "Don't you mean a temporary moment of Insanity?"  
  
Professor Shade looked at her as if she had just grown a chocolate herring out of her forehead.  
  
"I know," she snapped finally, "what I mean." As Hermione was the last person in the queue, she snatched up the paper and went quickly from the hall.  
  
~  
  
Later, Harry, Ron and Hermione were discussing Omphaloskepis.  
  
"I think it's something to do with defensive spells." Harry said, "I'm sure of it!"  
  
"Yeah, right," said Ron, "Everyone knows it's to do with magical creatures."  
  
"You're both incorrect." replied Hermione, "It's interpretation of Omphallo, the language of the ancient Wizards. Everyone," she paused to look pointedly at Ron, "knows that."  
  
Just then they noticed Professor Shade hurrying down the corridor, muttering something about ham sandwiches.  
  
"Professor!" called Harry.  
  
Professor Shade stopped walking.  
  
"Professor, we were wondering." said Hermione.  
  
"Exactly. well, what IS Omphaloskepis?" asked Ron bluntly.  
  
Professor Shade looked at him seriously. "You will find out in class. May the power of the Plastic Pudding be with you."  
  
The Professor's face was perfectly grave and sombre. She turned away quickly and hurried off, strangely enough, in the opposite direction to that in which she had been hurrying previously.  
  
Ron shrugged. "Who wants Butterbeer?" he asked his friends.  
  
~  
  
In Omphaloskepis lesson Professor Shade watched the class come in and seat itself down. She kept her face completely emotionless and although many pupils put their hands up, she did not invite them to speak. Many of them did anyway, and chatted away happily. Eventually the silence of the teacher began to get to them and the noise died away. Satisfied at last that every eye was on her, Professor Shade turned to the board.  
  
Omphaloskepis (she wrote)  
  
The intense contemplation of one's own navel.  
  
Shocked, the class turned to look at the professor's face, looking for a slight amused twitch of the lips, any kind of twinkle in the dark blue eyes, anything which might suggest some kind of joke or trick. There was none. She was deadly serious. The lips were still. The eyes cast a condescending, vaguely evil look towards the class. This didn't necessarily mean anything since, according to friends of the owner, those particular eyes had a habit of looking condescending, vaguely evil, and, on the last count, extremely hostile and not a little scary. Despite this, Lee Jordan decided to put up his hand.  
  
"Uh, Professor? This is some kind of joke or something isn't it?"  
  
The eyes were turned on Lee, and the look in them was frankly murderous.  
  
"How dare you question my word. that word was my favourite word all week, and you dare to question it?" The words were shouted but, to the class, they seemed to be coming from a long distance away. The walls of the room appeared to be closing in. White fire ignited, danced before their eyes, and quietly put itself out again. They could see nothing now, hear nothing - although it seemed to them that the entire universe was blowing up around them.  
  
Thunder clapped.  
  
There was a bang.  
  
Matter exploded, evaporating into it's component molecules.  
  
Space itself whirled around dizzily, as if some one had found it on the floor and decided to give it a good, hard squeeze.  
  
Someone screamed.  
  
And the fanfic ended.  
  
~  
  
Review. Or else. PalletShade (a.k.a. Professor Shade) 


End file.
